Do you have a hard time saying 'NO'?
Does your already very busy life often feel consumed with doing things for the sake of others rather than what is best for you, or doing what you want to be doing?
Do you show up at parties or social events not because you were excited to go, but because you felt an obligation to be there?
Do you find yourself running errands or favors for people in your life when you don't have the time to handle your own shit?
Do you find yourself taking on more than you really should, and never really having the downtime to yourself that you need and deserve?
If any of these apply to you, it sounds like you may have a case of "people pleasing". Don't feel bad. Many of us have this issue. Many of us have been trained to have it.
The inability to say 'no' can be a roadblock for you in reaching your personal goals, setting boundaries with people where boundaries need to be set, spending time doing the things in life that are important to you, and taking care of yourself in a way that leaves you feeling nourished, happy, and fulfilled.
I want to tell you something that I would love for you to store in your brain in a place that you can easily access it anytime. I want this to be a common thought for you......
Always remember that saying 'no' can be an act of self love, and self love is the cornerstone to a happy & healthy life. Learning to say 'no' can be a great gift to yourself.
When I talk about self love, I'm not talking about ego. I'm talking about you loving yourself and being the best human possible so that you can live a full & happy life, and have the ability to offer your best self to the world in all that you do.
I'll use the old analogy of the oxygen masks on airplanes. They tell us every time we get on an airplane that if something happens, and the oxygen masks drop down, we are ALWAYS to put our own mask on first. Why? Because if we are deprived of oxygen we won't have the ability to help anyone else. This is a great analogy for life. If we are constantly doing for others and not saying 'no' to things that are draining us, pretty soon we will be left feeling drained of our energy, and once we are drained of energy, Who can we serve? Who can we help? No one. Not even ourselves. We need the oxygen first!
I'm in no way suggesting that we shouldn't say 'yes' to things that people ask of us. I'm a firm believer that we should help each other out, we should support each other, attend each other's events, help friends move, drive them to the airport, and feel part of a community of support in various ways. These are all good things! I'm simply saying that we should help each other out when we are able, when we have the energy and the time, when we feel that we have it to give, and when it's really something we want to do. We should say 'no' when we are feeling depleted and like we need to rest or attend to our own busy life. We should have the ability to say 'no' when we feel like it's not in our best interest.
Saying 'no' can be a gift to yourself and act of self love.
Saying 'no' can also mean saying 'yes' to other things that fill you more.
Here's a different perspective to view it from:
If you say 'no' to something, ask yourself, what are you saying 'yes' to?
I could give a million examples, but here's one: If you say "no, I can't watch your kids that day", perhaps you are saying 'yes' to finally taking that day for a hike that you've been feeling the need for. You've been stressed lately, very busy, have had no time to yourself, and your way of de-stressing and connecting is being in the woods and hiking. You need that day. You've been looking forward to it.
Perhaps if you focus on the fact that you are saying 'yes' to something that serves you, saying no to something that doesn't serve you won’t be as hard?
I'd like you to ask yourself.........
Where are you saying 'yes' in your life that you could be saying 'no'?
Where are you saying 'yes', and it's draining you?
I think that we have a tendency to think that we are the only person for the job sometimes. Maybe it's a kind of 'martyr mentality'. Do you find yourself ever saying something like " I have to do this for them. They have no one else to help them. They asked me, and I can't say no, I need to help them, they are my friend".
Chances are this just isn't true. Chances are there are other people that can help. Chances are there are other options.
Think of how different it would feel if we all began to help each other out in ways that felt good for both parties?
I'm in no way suggesting that we don't support each other. On the contrary, we need to support each other. What I'm suggesting is that we all learn to support ourselves first so that we can live our life from a happy & fulfilled place and continue to have the ability to give and support each other because we have made keeping our own cup full a priority.
Wishing you Wellness,