There’s this inner voice that likes to sneak into my consciousness sometimes that I’m not fond of. She'll come marching into the forefront of my thoughts like she owns the place, ranting about what I’m doing wrong, what I’m not doing good enough, points out all of the imperfections I have, and loves to compare me to others in a way that doesn’t feel good. I have a name for her. She’s my inner bitch. I know I’m not alone here, call it what you want, but we’ve all got one.
I’ve worked really hard over the years to quiet my inner bitch, to correct her when I’m hearing the kind of inner talk that isn’t supportive of me, and I’ve come a long way. I’ve practiced being more conscious of my thoughts, correcting any negative self talk, and this has done wonders in building self love, and improving my ever-growing relationship with myself. I almost forget the inner bitch is there sometimes because I don’t hear from her that often these days. However, there are still times that she sneaks in, takes over, and I find myself in a place of comparing myself to others which inevitably leaves me not feeling as great about myself as I should.
I recently had to spend a little time correcting and putting my inner bitch back in her place, and while doing so, something occurred to me in a big way. It occurred to me that our comparing ourselves to others has been hugely impacted by social media.
Let’s be real here. We are living in an age when a lot of what we know about other people’s lives is what we absorb from social media, rather than direct contact.
The thing is, what most people post online is the bright, successful, fun side of their lives that they really want us to see. We all want to be seen as rocking the hell out of life, right?
Of course, there are some that use social media as a place to ‘air their dirty laundry’ or express their troubles and seek out the empathy & connection that we all crave as humans, via the internet. But think about it. For the most part, what people post online is what they WANT the world to see about them.
Now think about the position that puts us in if our inner bitch has a habit of comparing us to others. We are sitting in our real life which is has really good stuff going, but along with it are the shadows, the daily struggles, the screw ups, the times we lose our temper, say things we wish we wouldn’t have, or whatever else comes up. From that place of realness in our own life, we view the outer, pretty layer of everyone’s lives that they want us to see. I think for many people this creates an environment for the inner bitch to speak up and start to compare.
Everyone we are connected to on social media, whether they are celebrities & businesses you follow or whether it’s your family & friends, are putting out there mostly just what they are proud of in their life. They show us the fun they are having, the beautiful family & friends pictures, the vacations, the successes….The majority of people put out there what they WANT the world to see, and leave the rest in real life, not broadcasting it on the internet.
So when we take all of this in at the fast pace that many of us do, it’s easy to forget that beneath the shiny outer polish is real life for everyone.
Here’s where the problem comes in. We end up comparing the not so perfect inner workings of our lives with the outer, polished versions of everyone else’s. This is unrealistic, but we can fall for this, and the inner bitch can have a hay-day with it.
My intention in writing this is just to bring awareness. Ask yourself if this behavior of comparing is something that you find yourself participating in?
If so, bring awareness to it. If you are aware of it, that gives you the opportunity to correct it.
Know that beneath the outer polish of every online life you view is real life with real struggles.
Know that we are all on a journey of continual growth.
Know that you are entirely perfect, just where you are right now, imperfections & all.
When that inner bitch pipes up, tell her she’s no longer welcome, and call the inner cheerleader out for some talk about how awesome you are, because it’s true. You are awesome.
There are 7 billion people in the world, and no one is just like you. Embrace the beauty of your uniqueness, and practice speaking to yourself like you would anyone else in your life that you love.
Quiet that comparative inner bitch, and start feeding the inner cheerleader. If you find yourself comparing, know that when you see the polished lives of others broadcast online, that underneath the polish is a real life with imperfections and struggles just like everyone else.
Give yourself the gift of love and loving self talk.
It takes practice, and It can change everything in your life.
Wishing you wellness,