Per usual, I'm writing today about something I've had a few conversations around recently. The topic? Anger.
Anger is an emotion that I think all to often is shoved under the rug so to speak, and especially in the realm of positivity and personal growth, I think that we can have a tendency to shame ourselves & others for this emotion. The message often is that we should be 'positive' and 'let go' and maybe anger isn't very 'conscious' of us....
I'd like to give my 2 cents, and what I feel is some good advice.
Of course anger doesn't feel good. Of course it is an emotion that we do personal work so that it doesn't come up as often. We work to manage it and let go of things so that we don't become angry. We forgive others and ourselves to let go of anger. All of this personal growth work seems to focus on eliminating anger, and that's a beautiful thing! I think that ALL of this work is very worthwhile...AND we are also human. Anger will likely come up from time to time, for some, far more often than they would like. I think that it's important to have some tools to support yourself when this emotion does come up!
I'm a huge advocate of feeling the feels when they come up rather than sweeping them under the rug. If we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling in given moments, rather than holding things in we benefit. the trick is to not set up camp and stay there! When we are feeling sad, frustrated, hurt, angry....if we allow ourselves some time to feel it, talk it out, process it, and then move on without staying there we can benefit greatly over the contrary, which is either staying stuck in the emotion or simply holding it up inside.
There are a lot of calming activities like breathing exercises & meditation that can help to calm anger, but that's not what I'm going to focus on today, because let's face it....sometimes the urge to throw something is much stronger than an urge to count our inhales & exhales.
If you think about anger, what is our basic human reaction in for this emotion? When people are angry, they have an instinct to yell, throw things, break things, or hit things. This is an emotion that we have the instinct to physically move the energy through us. The reactions to this emotion are generally viewed as negative, but do we need to take that opinion? What if we ALLOWED ourselves a healthy physical way of moving the energy of anger when it arrises? A healthy way of assisting ourselves in dissipating the energy of the emotion rather than trying to hold it in, or worse, shaming ourselves for feeling it in the first place?
What am I talking about? I think that healthy ways of dispating this energy could be a lot of different things, and finding what feels good for you is key. For me, I'm not ashamed to admit that taking a drive by myself and allowing myself to scream has been a favorite go-to! Running is another one for me. Running has never been a choice in exercise for me, as it's not something that I have ever really enjoyed, however if I am mad, taking a short run will dissipate the energy for me quicker than most things. Dancing is another one! Physically stomping out my emotion on a dance floor, or my living room floor can work wonders. Throwing rocks at the river, and screaming into or punching a pillow is also an old favorite. For other people having a punching bag, a workout practice, a martial art practice....hell, maybe having a piñata handy is a great idea! I was once a participant in a group coaching session where there was a large apparatus in the middle of the circle that the women in the group were allowed to beat with a racket when anger came up in the coaching process, and wow was it effective! I witnessed a women in the group release that energy and then be able to really be in a receptive space to be coached though what she were dealing with in a more rational & solution focused mindset after that energy was released.
Whatever feels good for you is key.
Don't get me wrong here. Doing personal work to create tranquility in life, working on forgiveness, meditation, and these kinds of tools are a priority. I simply want to make the point that we are all still human, and when these emotions come up I believe it's a healthy thing to acknowledge them, and have a healthy outlet for them rather than shaming yourself for experiencing the emotion, getting stuck in it, or holding it in until you explode and the energy moves out of you in a way that can be more harmful for you & others.
I encourage you to own your emotions when they come up, and have healthy tools to process them.
What works for you? I'd love to hear from you about this. Drop me a line!
Wishing you a wonderful rest of your week!